i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
