Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Someone came in the potted fern
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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