Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
