you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
