I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
