was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
