i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
