Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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