but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
