dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
