I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
