My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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