Your mouth is God's brothel.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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