we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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