Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
