In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
