i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
