I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
His nipple licking is glorious
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