So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
