i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
