let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
