My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We had sex on a dog bed..
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
