Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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