If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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