dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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