My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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