so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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