I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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