why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
