stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
