what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
