We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
