I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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