The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
