Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
