somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
