I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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