A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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