I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
