the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
