Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
The ass gains better be worth it
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