I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
