u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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