I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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