ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
