butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
