It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
