I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
