Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
