Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
